Confrontation for Kids.

I’ve got a friend whose little shit machine, well, actually it’s almost all growsed up so I guess it’s a big shit machine now, is getting picked on at school. We’ve all experienced it, and it’s pretty standard part of growing up, right? So what do you do about it? You help the kid learn how to effectively stand up for itself, teach it conflict resolution techniques, and treat this like any other skill that needs to be practiced and mastered. Because this is the sort of thing that’s a routine part of life, and will never go away. We’re always going to be dealing with trifling shitheads who insist on testing us, so it’s better to learn how to deal with them early.

Well not any more. We’re in a brave new world where every human being is entitled to a life completely free from tension or uncomfortableness. That was me being sarcastic. Sadly, this seems to be the impression that parents are under today. That it’s reasonable to expect that their shit machine will never have to experience anything unpleasant. Well, I’m here to say that that’s an unreasonable expectation, and operating under it will actually be doing a disservice to your shit machine.
“But I love my shit machine, and I’ll do anything to protect it! What you’re saying makes no sense!”

I know you’re in a big rush to save the day, but hang in there captain valiant. It’s coming.

In this particular instance, the child experienced some teasing. It was something along the lines of “Nobody likes you”. In terms of severity, that’s really not so bad. I can see a youngster getting upset by it, and this is the moment for a parent to help put things in perspective, and introduce techniques for countering this sort of thing, when it repeats. This is a good time to introduce concepts such as generalization, absolute, gossip, manipulation and shithead.

When little Suzy, or anyone else for that matter, comes along and says “Nobody likes you”, what she means is “I’m going to fuck with you to see if I can get you upset. And if I can, I’m going to keep fucking with you”. This is a test. She got you upset, so you failed the test. That’s because you weren’t expecting it. A very effective counter response would be to redirect it back on little Suzy, and do it harder so she learns that this is one shit machine that will stand up for herself. Most people will reflexively become defensive, and try to counter that it isn’t true, I’m really not that bad, blah, blah blah. That is also a failure. Always take the offensive, and strike back. Hard. Suzy needs to be shown that she does not have the power to hurt the shit machines feelings. And that the shit machine is perfectly comfortable hurting Suzy right back. I would probably go with “You know what nobody likes? Shit-talking little cunts like you Suzy. Now fuck off before I put my foot in your ass”., but that’s me. You’ll probably want to tweak that a bit to strike the right balance of “I don’t give a shit what you think”, and “Suzy smashing time” that would be appropriate for your child’s age, and situation.

The element of surprise is gone, Suzy has revealed herself as a bully, and by running home crying to mommy, your shit machine has demonstrated that it is a suitable target. Suzy is going to keep fucking with your kid, until your kid puts an end to it. Suzy is also going to shit talk your kid, so it would be good to anticipate that and learn how to effectively counteract gossip, but I’m not so great at that. My response has always been to not give a fuck. And to verbally tear people to shreds. I usually go straight for the jugular. It works pretty well. There’s probably a book about gossip mastery out there. You should go get it and read it. Together. With your shit machine. Or you could go running to authority. The adult equivalent of mommy. But that’s the worst thing you can do. Because now little Suzy the  shit-talking cunt knows that not only does she have power over your shit machine, but she has power over you. She fucks with your kid, kid comes home crying, and you run around making a big deal out of it. This is entertainment for Suzy and her little coterie. We’ve got it too good today, people are bored and looking for amusement. So they fuck with each other and start drama. If you as the parent freak out, you’re only feeding into this. Sadly, that’s exactly what my friend did.

I found out about all this on the facebook feed. She’s got her circle of over-protective parents who were encouraging her to go to the principle, and the administration, and file all kinds of complaints. If that didn’t work, one of them even said to go to the police, and the mayor, even take it up with the local television news. Because her kid had its feelings hurt.

Quite a few times, home schooling was bounced around. Which for the record, I think is a terrible idea, for any reason. A big part of the education children receive in school has nothing to do with the academic subjects. It’s the socialization process, and critical steps occur at different times in a persons development. And there is no substitution or replacement. I actually consider home schooling akin to child abuse, because the kid will wind up permanently stunted. You ever meet someone who was really weird, but not in a redeeming way? They were home schooled.

You’re essentially conditioning your shit machine to believe that the world is such a harsh & horrific place that they need to be protected from exposure to it, and that the child is too weak to be able to survive on it’s own. That is the dictionary definition of over protective.

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Pictured in the dress: You

Sadly, with all the benefits of modern technology comes the ability to sequester yourself in a comfortable little confirmation bias cocoon. If you don’t know what confirmation bias is, I encourage you to push this link and read all about it. It’s going to come up a lot here so you should familiarize yourself with the concept, but it basically means you surround yourself with information that only reinforces, or confirms, what you already think or believe. It’s occurrence is at epidemic proportions, I’d say it’s even culturally engrained right now.

That’s a problem because the counter-point, or devils advocate, serves a useful purpose. It’s a check on your reasoning, or lack thereof. That’s why dissertations and legal arguments, are vigorously attacked. If they withstand the scrutiny, they are sound. Sadly, folks are hostile to that prospect in their personal lives. If you make a suggestion that doesn’t support what they already believe, or (GASP!) disagree, they’ll get upset and commonly lash out at you personally. Don’t get offended, that usually means you’re right, and they know you’re right (even if just subconsciously), and they’re too insecure or immature to engage in an adult discussion. Think about it, if a 4 year old really wanted to jump off the top of a waterfall, and you told it that that wasn’t a good idea, it would probably start crying and maybe even call you names. That’s because it’s a child, and children are just retarded adults. Sadly, many adults do not outgrow the retardation.

So far, Mom has kept her child home from school for a few days (there was only 3 weeks left in the year), and went on a field trip. As far as I can tell, I’m the only voice arguing that over-involvement will only make matters worse, and that the most effective way to deal with this would be to teach the child effective conflict resolution techniques and how to stand up for herself. Mom’s in a confirmation bias echo chamber, and they’re all supporting these dysfunctional over-reactions. As far as I can tell, none of them have actually analyzed the situation, they’re going on pure emotion. Which is the enemy of reason.

That’s probably all I’ve got to say on the matter, because unless its covered with fluffy white clouds, I can’t present any information that doesn’t support the crusade. And it’s frustrating to watch a colossal fuckup happening, and not even be able to say anything about it for fear the other party will throw a temper tantrum. But that’s the world we’re living in today. You can’t even step out your front door without someone getting offended. So, I have to write anonymously here to get it all out. For the record, and date stamped 6/24/2014:

What you are doing is wrong.

You are making the situation worse.

If you home school her, you are going to screw her up permanently.

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Cassandra of Troy. She’s got an interesting story.

Finally, no post of this nature would be complete without Bill Maher’s rant on sensitivity:

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